


When I needed you

by BardChild



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Earth Kingdom, Fire Nation, Gen, OCs - Freeform, Original Characters - Freeform, War Stories, medics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 07:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/821561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardChild/pseuds/BardChild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>War is a bloody thing, Sekar, a firebender medic during the Great War, recounts his story of saving a young Earth Kingdom soldier's life. And the consequences he faced.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I needed you

**Author's Note:**

> Hokay, so. This was more or less an exploration piece on my old ass OC Sekar who's been around since I started watching Avatar. I wanted to at least bring some detail on why he ended up a pacifist (sort of) or rather just anti-war. The title was from the song When I still Needed You by Afro Celt Soundsystem.   
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0lTbS3i0Ms
> 
> Also as a note, there is a lot of medical related stuff and depictions of a battlefield

**When I Needed You**

  
****  
_Doctors don't have enemies.  
_   


 

 

 

There were hundreds of them. Night black, beady eyed and ravenous. Jackal-ravens flocked in droves over the feast before them. It was the 87th year of the war; I was a young medic in the southern Earth Kingdom. And I’ve witnessed my first battle field. I can’t forget the sight of strewn bodies some of my men, some of the enemies. It was a funny word, ‘enemy’, my father didn’t believe a doctor should have biases on who they treat, but as a medic of the Fire Nation I was supposed to.

It was late summer and the heat burned down my back and my dusky red uniform. A white flame was on a banner around my arm. Signaling that I was a medic not a solider, carried my bag and my stretcher as I started looking for survivors. Anyone alive in the chaos that was the battle of Yao Sun. We won….barely. Half our platoons were decimated by the well-organized earthbenders who smoldered our flames and literally crushed us. If wasn’t for the surprise flanking that came from the east, we would have lost this part of the province and probably all, instead of most of our men. I should have been happy that we still have control of the Yao Sun Valley, but instead as I watch the sun rot our brothers and sisters speeding up the decaying processing, I felt a sense of stoic dread. No one was going home in once piece, we send our men in ashes, empty dust to a grieving widow or a lonely mother. Worthless in the grand scheme of things, I tried not to think about my wife back home. How she sits and waits for his husband to return back, hoping that the war only eats warriors, not young doctors.

I could barely deal with the smell as he continued to check around the blood soaked armor for anyone. More of the Fort’s medics also followed the joyous calls of the jackal-ravens that flocked around their beaks pecking at the skulls of earth and fire alike. I have seen death before, a candle snuff out. I have handled organs of corpses, weighed them. But this was far too surreal, far too raw and open and lacked any of the logical clinical feel of being back home. When I was just ‘Sekar’ not ‘Medic Praaghi”. I could feel the sun beat on my neck, casting a cruel judgment on its children that scorch and burn everything we touched. I didn’t move to far from a man that was beheaded when I heard a pained yell. A cry for help, a breath of hope in a field of death, didn’t bother to hesitate. I threw down my stretcher and ran to the source of pain. Praying to any damn spirit out there, that one of these men, these _boys_ was alive.

I was surprise that it wasn’t a Fire Nation solider but one from the Earth Kingdom. He looked young, barely over marrying age, sun burn skin, his armor caked in blood, probably his own. Silt brown eyes awash with despair and pain pleaded up to me. I grabbed my gear and took a look at his injuries, he hardly register who or what I was. I didn’t seem to care who he was either. In hindsight, I made this decision with little regard to my own punishment. In the moment of things, this was man, dying that needed my help. I was a man of conviction and ethics; I wasn’t going to let him die.

His wounds were extensive; firebender burns blasted his torso and legs. One was severely burn and blackened. That one had to be amputated. The rest looks salvageable, he was feverish and dehydrated if he stayed out here for another hour, he would have been another meal for the fly-wasps and jackal-ravens. I gave him an injection of pain killers, and studied his face as he drifted in out of consciousness, however as he worked his mouth, he mumbled out a slur.

“Ash-Maker, filthy goddamn char eating bastard.” He mumbled as I started removing his armor and throwing it aside. He wailed and struggled his eyes tearing up from pain. He flinched as I shed most of his armor leaving only his underclothing he gives me confused look not sure why I am doing this I didn’t bother to explain.

 

“You’re dying, and weak. I need to take you to the fort and get you proper care; no I don’t care what you called me and I don’t care that you’re an earthbender. You need my help and I am going to help you whether you care or not.” I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t rationalize or make excuses I just knew if I was going to treat him I needed to get him generic as possible so the guards won’t question and I can treat him without much worry. He mumbled something again as I started pouring some alcohol on his wounds. Making him hiss and whine.   
“My name….name is. Xiang Chun. My name is Chun.” He blurted out as I put him on the stretcher and started carrying him. He was far too weak to fight back, but I can tell with the way he looked at me he wanted to. I was the enemy to him; he was expecting to be imprisoned or worse. He struggled against my hands; he called me ‘ash-maker’ he didn’t trust me. Good. I never expected him to.

 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

 

His fever was bad as I had him in a cot in the main infirmary in our shabby little fort inside the valley. I snuck him in without much ado. Most of the medics I work with didn’t even question as I flash his ID tag, well…a dead man’s ID tag. He was Kenta for now, as I took his tags from his misshaped and crushed body. Chun’s life depended on a dead man’s, how is that for irony? I wasn’t sure what I was doing was right or ethical, maybe ethical, but certainly not legal.

 

None of the other medics question me as I carted Chun my little corner of the fort. Chun wasn’t conscious as he lay in the stretcher that I dragged from the field to here. He was covered in ash and blood I had to clean him and get him comfortable. It was going to be a long recovery and I wasn’t sure how long I can keep him secret or safe. I was kicking myself as I started measuring opiates to quiet his pain. I had no idea why I was saving his life, I haven’t figured out all the logics, but I was sure that I can get him to the Hwong village in the valley once he is stable and let the rest of the doctors there treat him. It was still controlled by the Earth Kingdom we haven’t burn it down yet. Chun found consciousness again and blearily looked up at me as I worked adjacent from where he was laying. His eyes scoured the pale bamboo walls. The table where I worked, the simple cotton cot where he laid, he looked at his ID tags that I stole and his expression darken when he noticed that these weren’t his. He lifted his head up at me as his mouth worked again. I was hoping for another insult but instead I got a query.

“Why? Why did you care? Who are you?” He blurted out as I finally made drugs necessary to help him tolerate the pain he was experience. I had to get fluids in him. I got him sitting up as gave him a simple tin cup for him to sip. He couldn’t hold. With compassion, held it for him letting him sip it slowly, very slowly; his eyes gentle as he drank the life-giving water, water he needed badly. He finished the cup and asked for more. I gave him a second cup, again slowly. Chun seemed to relax as I mixed some water soluble pain killers in the second cup. The fever was bad I could break it in time. I washed my hands and let them steam dry as I did I turned to him. My own copper bright eyes matching his soil-rich ones;

“I’m Dr. Sekar Praaghi. Despite what you must think. I tell you, you’re in good hands.”

 

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Hao Xingying was the son of a Fire Nation cavalry man and earthbender rebel. He was born in the colonies and spent two years getting his citizenship in the homeland. He understood the politics of the Fire Nation and the imperialism that it contributes. He was also my greatest friend and teacher. I approached him late in the afternoon as the sun was starting to slowly dip into the horizon.  The other medics, some younger than me, some older, reported no other survivors and gave him the body count. He noticed my approach and a smile bloomed on his weathered face.

“Ah Sekar, good to see that the jackal-ravens haven’t claimed you as their own yet,” he said going over some paperwork; I laughed awkwardly at his joke.  I was use to bird jokes, my nose was beak like and I had a gaunt, bird-like appearance. I looked nothing like my well-bred, parents. I was a turkey-duck among swan-doves. Hao got his pipe and started smoking when I shut the door. He opened a window and noticed my tense expression.  
“Something you want to confess?” he asked drily as his gold eyes met mine. I sat down fiddling with my uniform. He didn’t probe when I organized the words.   
“I found a survivor. I am treating him right now.” I said not meeting his eyes. Hao paused and pulled out his pipe as he tried to sort out what I was trying to say. He focused on me his face heavy and lips drawn in a tight line. He put his pipe back in his mouth and looked over his papers.  
“I am assuming he is not one of ours.” I said nothing. “In that case, treat him as you would anyone else. If he lives we can figure something out.”  
“I used the identity of a dead man to hide him.” Hoping that won’t complicate things.

“Ah. Clever, I can use that info to mask him until he gets better.” Hao said lightly as he put some files away. He got up and looked at me. He lacked those narrow, sharp features that most firebenders had. He was stocky, built heavy and stoic. He lacked the firebender exuberance and had the stalwart patience of an earthbender. He measured me for a while as I stood up and started towards the door.

“Sekar. Remember. A doctor has no enemies.” He advised as I left the room. My father’s own mantra, my ghost that evening.

 

Chun wasn’t going to be stable over night. I worked with a cup of hot tea and little food as I started taking off his clothing and started washing off the dirt and grime off his body with a sponge and hot water. He winces at first, but then he started to relax once I started to clean him off. He makes no comments as I did, his face however did express the shame. He definitely looked young; I paused in wonder at the idea of children being sent off to war, Children too young to marry, but old enough to die. Checked his fever, it was still high, but was starting to drop. I also checked his wounds. His burnt leg was bad; I know I might have to amputate it, the other one I can save with debridement. He notices my expression and questions it as he leaned back in his bed. I gently steam dry him off heating up the moisture off his body. He watches fascinated before I answered.

“I’m just trying to figure out how to save your legs. I know I can’t save one I am sorry to tell you. I can manage the other one.” He looked at his charred leg and his frowned deepen. His eyes turned to me hot and angry before he pulled them away and said nothing.

“I am your prisoner now so I guess you can do anything.” I gave him a dry look from the corner of my eyes as I checked to see how my jars of maggots were doing, I made sure to keep him from seeing those.

“Last time I checked, I didn’t shackle and throw you in the jail.” I measured some drugs before I started cleaning and bandaging his wounds he tried to pull away but he sighed and gave up.

“Doesn’t mean you won’t later.”

“I won’t period. I made and effort to keep your identity a secret.” I started with his arms and chest, using the aloe salve I made. Chun made face and looked away realizing he couldn’t argue with me.

“You never answered me. Why did you save me?”

“Because doctors do that.” I said matter-of-factly as I grabbed my anesthetics and my needles. He saw I was getting and his brown eyes grew big. He made a face and turned his head away looking panicked as put on my gloves. “Be calm. I am just sewing up some gashes that I cleaned.” I had a feeling that his panic was from the needles than what I was doing, so tried to explain he wasn’t going to feel anything. At least give him a small comfort that this wasn’t going to hurt. It felt childish that he was panicking over a needle, but I don’t like scorpion bees so…I wasn’t going to pass judgment.

“Chun, I am just going to put some salve on your leg, it’s going to numb it. The needle isn’t going to hurt you; you’ll just feel a slight pinching. Trust me; I had to sew myself up a few times.” His face relaxed and looked at me incredulously, like he barely believed that I would stitch myself up. He seemed to focus on what was saying than what I was doing. Good, he needed to stay with me, the last thing I needed was his fever to spike again.

“I’ve always respected doctors and medics. They are the bravest people, saving lives and witnessing things that I can’t possibly imagine.” Chun described with a note of awe as I felt around his good leg and started to continue stitching over the lacerations. I put the dirty needle that needed to be burnt in a tin tray and put on my glasses so I can examine him. It was then I started responded to his comments.   
“We’re not heroes trust me Chun.” I said softly as I looked at the charred heap that was the burnt leg. I sighed knowing how hard this was going to be for Chun. It was dead. But still losing a limb is a surreal experience and one that I hated explaining to a firebender or any bender really. Losing a hand, or leg, or an arm, not only are you impaired in day to day things, but in combat, but humans are resilient things.

“Sure you are. I mean, you’re risking your life to save me.” Chun rationalized as I started sterilizing my gear.

“No. I am just being a decent human being. If being decent human being is considered heroic in this world. Then I guess we live in a shitty world.” I grabbed a syringe and filled it with a sedative, Chun didn’t say anything after than but when I noticed his face, and he looked pensive. Like he was mulling over my words, knowing that argument brought up a severe and honest point; the world was shitty place to live. Kids dying for a noble’s war, a race of people now ash to the heavens, the land being pillaged and raped for resources. The world was a hollow and scarred mess. Was going to roll him over to inject him when his eyes met mine, a sadness was lingering in them.

“You’re kind of a nihilist aren’t you? The world has no real joy in your eyes.” He said with a sort of honest confusion. I looked at him with an echoing sadness, and gave him the injection. He winced and I started preparing to amputate. He was drifting off as I brighten the lights. “I suppose you have every right to hate the world. I would too…” So he said nothing as he was out. He had a point. I guess I sort of have a really dismal view of the world and people. Maybe deep down, I don’t like people. I just like bodies. I like the science of medicine rather than the compassion of it. Then why am I a doctor?

 

Why do I care?

 

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Two hours later I was cleaning up my space, the burnt hunk of flesh was disposed of and Chun was sewn up. He was awake but his fever was spiking. He seemed to be lost in his own mine when I returned to him. Mulling over his words and wondering why I was even doing this. He sighed and turned his head to me his eyes hazy as sweat ran down his face. I gave him more water and neither of us spoke as I tended him all through the night. I haven’t eaten all day and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to sleep until Hao arrived his face stern, but understanding.

“Sekar, you weren’t in the mess hall today.” He said chiding me like I was a small child. I frowned as Chun drifted back into hot slumber. I looked at the stump of his left leg and sighed throwing my gear onto the shelf.

“I know, I don’t care.” I replied flatly as Hao looked at my handy work approvingly before he laid a wide hand on my shoulder.

“Sekar, take a break and let him sleep, I can get you some rice and fish to eat and some rice porridge for him.” He knew that I work myself to the bone when I am stressed over something. Pausing, I tracked my options before making a choice. With a sigh I followed him to his office.

 

The food was meager, but it was still edible as I ate what was left from dinner service. We at mostly in silence as Hao watched me with a sort of worried expression.

“You’ve always been a quiet kid. I think that is why Toya liked you.” He grabbed the soy sauce as I finished my meal.

“I really don’t want to talk about my father.”

“It’s not insult on him or on you, Toya always been a bit of introvert, unless he is working then he is the friendliest man you’ll ever meet. I wonder for a while if that was just his persona.” Hao mused picking up some rice with his chopsticks. I looked at my bowl and then back at him, not sure where this road was going.

“He is friendly. Just…he doesn’t know what to do with people sometimes. He ends up alienating himself because he doesn’t know how to deal with the stress of his job.” I defended him. Hao grabbed some sake underneath his desk. It was chilled previously.

“I know, I was his friend for years before he adopted you.” He said with a chuckle. “He worked himself empty sometimes, I am afraid you’re going on the same path. That you’ll stop caring about what you are doing, I know this war is hurting you Sekar, you’ve always been a very empathic and sensitive kid. I wonder why your father even threw your name in the drafting bin, but I hope you can look at the brightness with the shadows.” Hao said drinking his sake. I looked my cup with a wry sort of anger. I don’t want to talk about this or drink either.

“He told me that triage will give me more experience. All I got is anger and frustration.” I took a sip of the sake; it was light and crisp and reminded me of honeysuckle. I put the cup down thinking over what Chun said. The disappointment in his eyes and feeling that hope was gone. I was quiet for a while, just letting the cricket-frogs resonate around me as stared at the teakwood desk that Hao had.   
“Do you think I am nihilistic?” I asked

“Hm? I think you have overly realistic view point that ends up being rather pessimistic. I honestly blame Toya for you being so cynical. He didn’t really let you have a childhood.”

“I never had one to begin with Hao. I was five when I saw the rotting corpse of my mom. What childhood did I have in the slums?” I argued back bringing up an old scab. Hao didn’t retaliate but sighed.

“Yes. I think you’re nihilistic. I think you have habit of looking in the darkness only seeing the emptiness and missing the stars that float in it.” Hao stood up and put his drink away.

“Sekar, I am just worried you’re going to lose yourself in this war. Don’t get lost in the darkness. Find the stars.”  Hao’s advice sunk into me as I got up and went back to work. Chun wasn’t sleeping very well his eyelid flicker as he tried to fight off the fever. I sat next to him with his dinner and watched. Maybe there was a reason I had to save Chun, maybe he can teach me to see the stars, when all I see is darkness.

 

Chun only woke up when I gave him more painkillers and fever reducers, but he slept better for the rest of the night. I never left his side. I don’t know why I didn’t sleep in my cot, but realized I crashed at my workspace when Chun was singing some sort of silly song while eating last night’s meal. I didn’t re-heat it for him.  
 _Oh! Have you ever seen a three headed frog?_

_Yes ma’am, yes ma’am_

_Down by the valley with the sweet water flows_

_I saw, I saw three headed frog, a possum-chicken and single white flower._

He noticed me stir and tilted his head towards me. “Oh you’re awake. You snore a lot when you sleep. You sound like an ostrich-horse when you do.” He joked. He looked better, his eyes weren’t hazy, and his fever dropped again at a manageable level. I rubbed my face and checked the time. It was just passed sunrise maybe an hour-oh shit I forgot I had roll call.

“I need to go roll! I am going to be late.” I said grabbing my uniform and getting it on and rushing out Just as the morning gong rang. I could hear Chun laughing as I ran.

 

General Shiyu was with the assorted high ranking officers as I got in line with the rest of the medics. I made it, just in time as I got my hair up in its top not. Major Po Ling was reading off names when noticed me at my name. “Medic Sekar Praaghi!”

“Present!” I shouted back, he noticed my scruffy appearance and saw I was still in my medical gloves a few officers snickered. He quirked a grin and jot something down;

“Had a late night?”

“Yes sir.”

“Please keep in mind next time remember to wake up to clean up for roll.” And that was it. He went down the line and then made morning announcements.   
“Attention! I am going to make this brief so you rhino turds better listen up. The ninth fleet is going to be taking port here in a few days. A few naval captains and commanders will be taking rest here in our fort before heading south. They will be dropping off some fresh meat and supplies. I want everyone to be in top shape. Is that clear?”

“YES SIR!” everyone shouted in unison. With matters settled I walked into the barracks and got cleaned up. I still had a ton of work to do and I had Chun to take care off. I heard whispers as I got into a clean uniform and walked back to the hospital.

“I hear Lieutenant Zhao is on this ship….”  
“…..I hear he is ruthless.”

“…Is he going to inspect this fort?”

I ignored the rumors as I walked in to find Chun reading a book. Hao must have been here as I saw his vitals written down and breakfast for me was at my workspace. Chun confirmed.

“Oh another doctor came by; he said he was a good friend of yours. I swore I didn’t say anything. He said concerned putting the book down. He just did tests and stuff. Doc? What is debridement?” I looked at the damage in a fresh light and started to work on getting rid of the dead skin so new skin can grow.

“It’s the process of removing dead tissue.” I said getting my little colony out. “I want you to turn your hea-“  
“No I want to see, I need to understand what is going on. It’s more comforting that way.” I paused and blinked, I thought he was going to panic but apparently he preferred if I was honest with him. I was a bit impressed; I liked it when people were logical, made my job a lot easier. I showed him the jar or wriggling maggots he tensed up.   
“Wh-what are you going to do with those?” His face turn pale, I hope he didn’t eat anything else.

“I am going to put these on your other leg. They don’t eat living flesh only dead flesh. They will get fat and fall out once they ate all the dead rotting skin.” I got on my gloves and tweezers and sat down as he seemed to be thoughtful for a moment.

“The maggots are more precise than a knife. So they won’t do more damage if you cut away the skin. Is that why you use them?”

“Yes exactly. Healing is faster, most folks get sicken at the sight, but I am pleased that you’ve taken a more pragmatic look on it.” I said sealing the maggots in and washing and steam drying my hands. I made more fever reducing tea and gave him a cup.

“Why did you become –ah! These things feel a bit weird.” He said making a face sitting up. He noticed his bad leg and his eyes grew soft. He didn’t say anything for a long while as I warmed up my food. Chun turned his head away and sighed.

“So why did you become a doctor?” he avoided what was on his mind as he asked me the question I hear all the time.

“Because I am a social masochist and I have no self-esteem.” I said sitting down to eat. He snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Oh come on you’re not a mortician.” He replied back with the same sort of dry humor. I had to smile as I picked at my food. I ate slowly not savoring, but rather just letting my mind wander as I mulled over the question.   
“My father was a doctor so I followed his footsteps.” I said just being truthful.

“Hm. My dad was a soldier, so I did the same thing. I sort of regret it. I am not cut out for combat. I should have listened to my mom.” He said with sort ruefulness. I had to agree with him. Curiously I had to ask, wondering if I was just going to stick my food in my mouth.

“Do you trust me?”

“No. Well. I do because I have to. You have my life in your hands and so far you have been kind. So I guess I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, but frankly I don’t really trust you.” He said his eyes turn a bit more serious than previously, but his eyes soften again. “You saved my life and you’re risking yours for mine. I am not sure if trust you, but I like you.” He said resolutely. He said nothing after a while as I checked at my breakfast. He tried his hand at small talk again.  
“Do you have a family waiting for you?”

“Yes. I have a wife.” I said cleanly, oddly disconnected from Fushigo. I didn’t want to talk about her. He smiled a bit wanly.   
“My girl is waiting for me…I like to believe she is at least.” I wanted to pry but I had a feeling it would be too invasive. I tried to change topic.

“You’re starting to stabilize so I am going to transfer you once your fever is gone.” I said putting my bowl aside and cleaning my hands. Chun watched my face for a moment and then furrowed his brow.   
“I am assuming you mean a…I mean my camp.” He said dropping his voice. I turned to him and nodded. I looked behind the partition and I saw only a few medics. My voice was low as I got close to him.   
“My superior is going to help me sneak you out once you’re stable. I can’t keep you here. Not with the new recruits coming.”

“Pffft, yeah newbies ask too many questions.” He said his eyes crinkling. He picked up the book as I checked his fever, which was now stable, for now. I watched him read a bit, a book on folk stories as hoped that I can keep this dangerous secret.

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Time moved briskly as I treated Chun. He wavered from lucid to drowsy as his fever fluxed. Eventually after three days. It stabilized and it started to drop. It was also then started cleaning the good leg and got rid of the bloated maggots. The wounds healed up and he was moving towards leaving the triage. I still had no idea how I was going to do this. Our conversations were minimal, mostly because I was busy working and I had to concentrate, yet as evening broached us, I found a spot by his bed and gave him some warm miso broth. He was pensive as he ate, but words found the both of us and a conversation bloomed.

“I hear those navy guys ported here this morning.” He said sipping.

“Yes a few are inspecting the fort; most of the new recruits are getting acclimated.” I answered.

“Culture shock, that’s what it felt like when I was in a camp, nothing seemed natural or native to me. “

“I felt the same. I came from the city, so being a fort was a bit surreal. I learned to adapt, we all do. We have to.”

“Yeah, that is true. People tend to adjust when they have to.” He looked at what was left of his leg, he frowned but he sighed and put the bowl down. “You know. I thought you were the Death Spirit. When I first saw you, the black hair, gold eyes and bird like physique. I swore you were Yama.” He said snickering a bit. I gave him a narrow look and rolled my eyes.

“I hate being compared to a raven.”

“It’s not an insult. Raven-jays are considered sacred where I am from. They represent healing, and rebirth. It’s good luck to see them. I guess with the carrion birds around I can see how it’s demeaning but trust me. It isn’t.” He said putting his hands on his chest. I took his word for it, I was going to ask about his family again when I heard voices.

“….There is one right now working, he treating Private Kenta. You should just let him work sir.” Was Hao’s voice as a sterner voice responded in a cool sort of heat like a burning frost.

“I like seeing doctors work, it’s fascinating. I am sure I won’t be much interference.”  I turned my head to Chun and made motion to not talk and gestured to myself that I was going to talk without his help. The man that met me behind the partition was Lieutenant Zhao. Groomed to look like a man of power, his eyes bore into mine as he smugly looked at my work station and at Chun who closed his eyes and mocked resting. Zhao looked me over, as he inspected my workspace and notice the jar of maggots nearby. Curious he picked it up his expression more amused than grossed out.

“I hear that they are good for eating necrotizing flesh. Prevents unnecessary amputation, clever, I am sure your patients are sickened by it, but I guess it doesn’t matter if they are grossed out by flesh eating little worms.” He commented as Hao caught up to us. I didn’t bother to respond as he eyed at Chun he checked his charts and then gave them back to me his eyes scanning for anything out of place.

“Tell me doctor? Do you have any plans being head of staff in hospital?” his question seemed harmless but I noticed a barb in the words. I looked at Hao for a moment before answering.   
“Why lead a meager triage unit when there is a cutting-edge hospital on the home front waiting for me?” I replied watching his expression, he seemed pleased at my answer and put the jar down.   
“Good I like to see ambition outside of the simple meat-shields that get thrown into battle. I appreciate your honestly Dr. Praaghi. You seem to be made of better stuff than your weak-willed father.”

I flinched. He caught that and grinned. “I never liked Toya. He was too cynical and to dry for my taste. He had no passion, no drive. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up a pile of burnt out ash when you come back. If you come back Dr. Praaghi.” He said the last bit with a tone of menace, I know he was trying to rile me up, it was working. I get angry easily, he saw my face flushed and eyes shine with fire. He grinned as he saw Hao looking nervous. “Go ahead and get mad. I know that you hate your father, but he was the only person who gave you a chance. I like that contempt, it’s useful for me.” He said leaning down and looking into my eyes. He saw the heat, the rage.   
“I know you’re far more cunning, than Toya. I will keep an eye on you.” With that he turned around and left leaving me with smoking hands and Hao trying to calm me down. Chun opened his eyes and his expression darkened.

"What an ass. He was just trying to piss you off.” He said stating the obvious. I got furious, snappish and I set the flask of alcohol on fire. Chun shrieked as it burned quickly away. He looked at me nervously and said nothing for a while. Then carefully he said.

“I forgot…you’re a firebender. You’re always going to be a firebender.” There was a note of disappointment in his voice. I was going to rage at him when something clicked in my head. I cared about Chun. More than patient, but as a friend, I was hurt that he saw the smoldering heat inside. I had to look passed the dark, and see the stars. See that there is still hope and I won’t be someone puppet. Zhao thought he could use me, and Hao thinks that I burn myself out like my dad. Sitting down, Hao looked at the two of us before walking away his expression grim.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I said as the fire died from my voice. Chun relaxed and sat up.

“No, I get that you had a lot of pent up anger. Glad it was the flask and not me. My brother use to make earthquakes when he was pissed off.”   
“I didn’t have any siblings. I was adopted. My dad…tended to put a lot of pressure on me.”  
“No, I understand.” Chun said, “My mom was the same. I was the oldest of four and there were only two earthbenders. With dad dead, I had to pick up where he left off. I think she would be disappointed that I can’t fight anymore. My paychecks were keeping them afloat.” There was a bit of personal guilt that sunk into his voice. He said nothing for a while, but I had to show him the stars. He could still serve his nation, and take care of his family.   
“You could farm. You’re an earthbender, you could bend prosthesis, and you can still work.” I said trying being optimistic for once. He took noticed that I was, and started to laugh. It was small at first, a little chuckle than it turned into a full belly laugh which rippled his body until he winced in pain his smile still on his thin lips as his eyes turned to me with light.   
“You’re a terrible optimist. It was so half-hearted that it was pretty funny. You’re right. I can still work; I still take care of my family.” He said his eye softening a bit, sadness seemed to linger as he leaned back in bed. “You’re really alright doc. I guess I should give you more credit; you’re not as nihilistic as you act sometimes. I think despite at shitty world you see that there are more decent people out there that make the world less miserable.” I took his words in, mulled over his words as I started to clean up my space.

“You should get some sleep Chun. I need to focus.” It was a half-truth, I needed to sleep. Chun picked up his book and read as I started doing some paper work; sleep eventually kidnapped me sometime later.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

 

My dream was far from pleasant. I dreamt of the battlefield, my body empty, hollow laying among the mass of sun-rotten corpses. My eyes stared up into the judging sun, as jackal-ravens swarm around me their beaks and paws greedy for my dead flesh. I was going to be devoured by carrion eaters. I was going to be part of that grim life cycle. I couldn’t scream I couldn’t move, I was conscious, but dead at the same time. I didn’t breathe, my heart didn’t beat. My muscles putrid and gone, nothing left but a mass of dead tissue. I had no agency as I lay on the blood soaked field, as smoke rose from charred bodies and boulders lay impassively on crushed soldiers. I felt someone move me, a faceless someone. It threw me on a pyre to be burn. There was nothing left of me but a rotting torso as I was stripped of armor and thrown into the mass. I was on top of the pile as I stared into the sun. It couldn’t burn me anymore yet I felt like I standing in judgment of my father. Having him look down on me as the smell of smoke, the illusion of smell at least, seemed to reach me. _Have you given up child?_ The sun seems to say to me as I lay on top. Its searing light seemed to expose all of my rotting skin, all the lies, all the mistakes I carried. I wanted to give up. I wanted to succumb to burn out like my dad. I wanted to go home and spend my life in the shadow of my father, in the shadow of a corrupt dictatorship. I wanted to be burnt away. The fire climbed on me engulfing me. The heat burnt away all the dead and vile skin. I heard the sun; I heard its voice as the fire ate me

 _You must live. You must rise from despair. Only you can make yourself whole, seek the sun and never submit to failure. Rise up. RISE UP. **RISE UP!**_ The fire became hotter for some reason. I can feel it eating now; it wasn’t a passive feeling, now I was experiencing it. I screamed; I could hear my voice as my heart started beating again, its drum-beat surreal as I watched my body being knit back together from the ash. Muscle, bone, sinew and skin sewing itself up by the ash and fire, I saw my ribs being set again, my spine was growing back, I was literally rising from the ashes of my fellow comrades. The ones that did give up, that did succumb to their circumstances, they only saw darkness. I saw the stars. I rolled out of the massive pile of ash, naked and whole again. The sun spoke to me again as I lay in the ash. _Get up, get up, get up, **GET UP!**_

****

I woke up with a start as Hao shook me conscious. I sputtered around for a moment. Looking to see where I was. Hao had Chun in a wheelchair, his eyes concerned.   
“We’re moving him tonight. Zhao is on to us. He has been digging around the files looking for ‘Kenta’, I have no idea how he figuring this out, but we need to move him before he gets proof.” Hao said as I got up and drank some water. Chun actually looked worried as he fiddled with is blanket.   
“Hao says you’re going to take me to an encampment nearby.” He confirmed with me. I nodded as I gathered my wits, the dream still vivid in my head. I was getting new motivation, a feeling of hope bloomed in me. I was going to get Chun safe, this was my idea anyway. I better follow through.

“Did you get paperwork and filed done so I won’t get pulled over tonight.” I asked as I was being lead through the back into a carriage waiting for me. Chun was helped up inside with boxes of food and medical supplies probably for the ships out on port.

“I gave you clearance to take this to the ninth fleet, on the way there is a relay. There is a man named Zhang, he happens to be a friend of mind. I contacted him a day go knowing that a two man job is probably necessary, he is of Earth Kingdom decent, a former colony rat like myself, you can trust him Chun.” Hao explained trying to comfort him. I looked at him Chun who resolutely said nothing as I closed the doors. Hao gave me firm look as I did something that was borderline treasonous. I wasn’t sure where this was going, but I was going to find out one way or another.       

 

The cracking sound of the carriage gave rhythm as we moved through the dark of the night. Morning far away as we rode in near silence. I steered the moose-dragons down the road going with what Hao instructed me, Chun took the silence as an invitation and broke it.

“Hao seems different. How did you meet him?”

“I grew up with him; he was my father’s best friend and became one of my teachers.”

“He was raised in the colonies?” asked Chun recalling what Hao said earlier.

“His father was a firebender, his mother was an earthbender.”I answered honestly turning the corner watching the tree line give away to an open plain with the sea to my left. I was heading south; I could see the sun starting to peak, dispelling the cloak of night. I was hopeful; my firebending is the strongest at dawn.

“That explains why he seems to have no loyalties. He is truly impartial.” Chun rationalized as headed towards the docks following Hao’s instructions to go to the second pier and wait for the signal.

“No he is loyal to the Fire Nation. He just isn’t imperialistic. Is patriotism is underneath the veil of neutrality. Don’t ever question his loyalty.”

“Did he get grilled a lot for it? I am sure he was bullied.”

“He was, and was treated as a second-class citizen because of it. He had to work to get where he is. The fact he is doing this for me, for you Chun, is a bit of a wonder. I wonder if he cares so much for a Nation that doesn’t seem to care about him.” I mused out loud. Chun didn’t have any response but shut the small window in the back of cargo that peeked out into the carriage and said nothing. I still wondered. What did Hao really think of the Fire Nation, of the Earth Kingdom, did he have any loyalty to any one? Or just whoever served him the best. I shook my head of those thoughts as pulled by the second pier. I waited with Chun in the back I had a feeling I had to check on him, when saw a man approach me. He was older than Hao, eyes were smoky brown and was bald. His moustache gave him a grizzled look as he approached the carriage his expression stoic.

“Are you the Raven?” He asked quietly his expression still neutral; I froze wondering if this was the password. I worked my mouth a bit to say:

“Yes. I am the Raven.” He sized me up and nodded. He ran to the back and opened up just as small cart was wheeled in to view.   
“I am gonna get him safely to Lin Gao Camp tonight. Chun you can trust me I’m Zhang,” he said his eyes sharp for any signs of trouble Chun scooted over as Zhang helped him up and limped him over to his car. Chun stop to look at me, his rich soil brown eyes met me his expression forlorn as he was transferred to the cart.

“Hey! Doctor, I know you said that medics aren’t heroes. But you can be mine, ok?” He said as he helped inside. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to be his hero, but yet I was honored regardless. I saluted him as turned my cart around. I could hear him shout into the rising light. “I won’t forget you Dr. Praaghi!”

 

<><><><><><><><><><><><> 

 

The journey back was quiet as I dropped off the items to the dock and climbed back up hill. My ride surprisingly boring as I mind drifted in and out of though. I wondered if Chun was going to be alright, and if he will honestly remember me. I wasn’t sure about what I did to be honest, I had a feeling though, deep in my heart that it was the right thing. However it was going to be tested as a blast of fire blew passed me and spooked my moose-dragon. She bucked and hissed and threw me out of the driving seat. I got on my feet to see of all people Zhao. He approached me from behind; he must have either followed me or came from the short cut from the Fort. His eyes narrowed as he opened the back of the carriage with wrathful force and saw there was nothing inside. He got in to inspect looking for any sign of Chun. I was stoic as he inspected the cargo hold and he found nothing. Cinder bright eyes, narrowed at me as he strode with purpose. His navel cape flying in the breeze, “I know you are hiding him.” Zhao spat as he pointed his index finger at me, daring me to object. But I was good at this game, keeping my own fire in check I made no reaction.

“Who? I was just dropping off naval supplies and few wounded back home. If I was carrying anyone it was a few the grievous injured who can’t fight anymore. Fortunately for them, they get to go home alive, maybe not in all one piece though, but not in an urn.” I said with a bit of morbid humor. Zhao expression darken and as he punched flame to my right. I didn’t flitch this time. I had to stay calm for Chun, my protection wasn’t over yet.

“I know you have been treating an earthbender. I threw the name Kenta around the mess hall last night. Turns out a few soldiers saw him being buried alive with boulders. Either you’re a miracle worker or you were hiding someone. So either you tell me where he is or I will simply drag your traitorous ass to the General or will burn you right here.” 

Something in me resonated, a feeling of resistance. I wasn’t going to give into his threats. I wasn’t going to lose my temper. Nor was I going to succumb to the silent death of being jaded. Zhao had no real proof, and the naval officers were going come by soon to head back at sea. If I can postpone this, drag this one out, I can have his superiors take care of him. You’re just an arrogant mad-man Zhao.

He got into stance as started the dance blasting a searing hot fireball in my direction. Inhaling sidestep the blast as replied his own attacked with a flurry of my own. White hot fireballs where kicked in his direction. Zhao blocked most of them but one hit him in the chest. He was skilled and probably my better, but he was underestimating me. I spent years analyzing all the stances and learning firebending from a pragmatic point of view. There was no consuming emotion in my attacks. It was all logic and math.

 

Zhao continued his flurry over reaching fireballs as I jumped onto of the carriage sending a blast of fire in his direction using height as an advantage. Zhao rolled out of the way as I flew down from the top using a blast of fire in his direction in my decent. His footing was stable, but too ridged, he couldn’t change stance very well. He kept focusing on once stance used it used to his full power. He wasn’t fluid at all. He knew that as I kept changing stance and throwing fireballs and waves of hot flame. Zhao backed up his eyes narrowing realizing he was going to lose. I can see him do the math in his head. I changed my stance again noticing he was going to throw another fireball, so predictable.

 

Yet much to my horror, it wasn’t just a fireball. It was huge, there was no way I could dodge it. I could hear Zhao laugh as he realized that his blast was too big for me to dodge or block. Suddenly flash of the dream rushed through my mind. I remembered the sun, the fire climbing on top of me, being brought back to life as the fire consumed me. Something snapped inside me, something clicked so severely that I couldn’t believe what I was going to do. I _accepted_ the fire, took it around me. The heat was insane; it was eating all the air around me as I wrapped the fire around me using my own chi and my own ability to manipulate the fire inside. I was choking the fire was burning of the all my clothing off, but I was literally a man on fire. I couldn’t see anything I couldn’t smell or hear anything, but ran towards Zhao, shrieking like a demon. Concentrating threw the fire skin off of me and at him in mid-stride. The searing heat was off my skin, clothing was smoking, charred from the inferno and laying on the ground his armor smoking was Zhao. He groaned as he got up his eyes smoldering but the battle was over when Hao and General Shiyu arrived with the naval officers their eyes surveying the scene before them.

“I suppose you have a good reason for attacking a medic, Lieutenant?” Shiyu said his expression severe as he got a good look at me. I must have looked like a hot mess, because Hao immediately ran over and draped a blanket over my frame.

“He was aiding an enemy of the Fire Nation.” Zhao said sternly.

“Do you have any proof?” Shiyu said his expression still neutral. Hao tried to steer me away from the scene his eyes bright with worry.

“Son, your clothing is all burnt off…did you do what I just saw a minute ago?” his voice incredulous.

“I had reports that the man he was treating was dead. He was helping someone with his identity.” Zhao argued.   
“Zhao. We have like forty men in our camp named Li, and twenty men named Kenta. One of which was too injured to fight so I sent him home. If you have proof that he was an enemy of the Nation, please bring forward proof.” Shiyu challenged. Zhao stood impassive his eyes meeting mine with unbridled hate. “Very well, Captain Fazou, go ahead and send this hot head back on board. Maybe sea-water will calm his ass down.” A few men snickered as the captain grabbed Zhao and shuffled him down to sea with everyone else. Shiyu took one look at me and said almost dead pan.

“Either you’re crazy you have bigger balls than my rhino.”

Hao nearly snickered but he was focus back to treating me, my hair was singed, but everything else was ok.

“I think he just crazy sir,” Hao said getting a fresh uniform for me. Shiyu sighed and got back on said rhino. Shiyu road off as Hao got me on board his rhino and the carriage was driven back by another soldier. On the way home I could hear the raven-jackals, a scour of them in the air. Another day, another battle and war rages on.

 

But I will still rise of the ashes of the next battlefield.

 

 

END


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